Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
