That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
