you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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