What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
