just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
