Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
