stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
