so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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