I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I supernannyed him into submission
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
