Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
My vagina is officially offended.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
