A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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