I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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