I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
