so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
