Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
