Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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