So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You took a bar mat shot.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
