You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
