I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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