I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
