Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
