I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
My ATM looks so different sober.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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