So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
