Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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