a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
