it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
