her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
