I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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