Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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