It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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