I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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