the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Enjoy the penises
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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