Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
