U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
