why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
