it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i came on her dog
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
