We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
