Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
