My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
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