I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
