I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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