then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
my being single is dangerous.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
