Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
