Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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