he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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