listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
