totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
