so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
