This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
