I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
