I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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