went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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