What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Do vagina's smell?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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