There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
