I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
