Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
