peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
