I cannot find my penis.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Dignity is for republicans.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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