when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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