I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
