420 ftw
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize